Monday, October 13, 2008

How to choose a table in a busy restaraunt

Those of you who know me well, know how much I LOVE children. Especially ill-behaved ones that are seated directly behind me during meal time, screaming and kicking the back of my chair. Because of the fact that too much of a good thing is bad, I must make efforts to limit my exposure to such things.

The first step is to survey the area well, making note of all the available tables. It is also necessary to evaluate the tables that are occupied, not only for the general make-up of the guests seated there, but also to estimate the time remaining on their stay.

Open tables must be examined for their value to mothers, especially of young children. Things to take into account are:
1.) Proximity to the bathroom. (young children, I've noticed, pee a lot!)
2.) Proximity to the soda machine. ***this one can be tricky, as some parents will want to be close to the machines, so they can send the kids up for their own refills. Yet others want to be far away from the machines, to keep the children from demanding Coke, when Mom prefers they drink Sprite. Choosing a table between the two extremes is vital.
3.) Ease of use with a high-chair as well as distance from where the high-chair is kept. Parents tend to prefer ailes where the high-chair will be in the way to servers, rather than in corners where the would be unobtrusive.
4.) Booths or tables- booths tend to have a higher value for the parents' ability to pin the child in between themselves and the wall.

When evaluating the occupied tables, you must take into account whether or not their food has arrived, are the consuming alcohol, and if it's a larger group.

All of these are variables in a complex mathematical equation that produces the probability of being seated next to a screaming child, and must be computed within a matter of seconds and without use of a calculator.

Needless to say, I haven't yet perfected the math!

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