A Merry Christmas Massacre

I thought I should blog about a horrible, scary trend I've been seeing around my neighborhood. It seems that people are getting these big blow up lawn ornaments. You've seen them, Santa, a penguin, reindeer. Lots of hot air, and a bulb inside.

Imagine, however, being a small child. You see Santa in your neighbor's yard, all blown up. Then, the next morning, you go outside to catch the bus, and you see this:



Or this:



Or this:



That has got to be traumatic, don't you think? It looks like there has been a Christmas Massacre!

Merry Christmas!

Happy Trolls to youuuuu!

So, over a year ago, I got hooked on something called "Yahoo! Answers"

http://answers.yahoo.com/

***WARNING! Signing up for this free website is addicting, humbling, and maddening. The level of maturity shown in the question are enough to drive any normal human insane. Enter at your OWN risk***

This site is full of teenagers (must be 13 to join) and numerous adults that ACT like teenagers. If you hang around for long, the trolls will find you.




Some trolls are sometimes teenagers with nothing better to do during summer break, and ask inflammatory questions like "Is it normal to have sex with my dog" just to see if they can reaction out of you.



The more disturbing type of troll, is one that has disagreed with you because of a piece of advice you have given them, and decide that they will destroy you no matter what. These insane people have been known to create an account with your name and picture on it, and go around pretending they are you. They will also search through questions and answers you have asked or answered, and report them in an attempt to have your account suspended.



I was the target of such a troll today. Actually, it's quite flattering to think that I am that important to someone that they devote so much time to me. I have never before had a stalker. If my stalker/troll should find their way here, please give greet them warmly. For, their life is so sad and meaningless, that they must pick on others in order to make them feel good about themselves.



So, Merry Christmas Trolls!

A day in the life of Hemi

He hasn't been to agility class since 2 weeks before Thanksgiving due to a variety of things. We had BETTER have class Wednesday, or I'm going to cut the lock on the gate, take him up to her door, and beat on her door until she comes out and HAS class with us. Why? Here was a recap of mine and Hemi's morning:

Gene leaves, and Hemi is standing over me. Staring at me. Waiting for me to get up. I get up, and of course all of the dogs are happy. Hemi shows his delight by grabbing Boo's leg and tugging on it. "Hemi, no!" So, He jumps on Hershey. "Hemi, no!" He rolls Kyra "HEMI NO!" He stops and looks at me, his head cocked slightly to the right in a "what did I do" type look. (If you own a dog, you KNOW the look I'm talking about!)

So, I move groggily to the couch and turn on my computer. Hershey is laying on the floor, Kyra on her black pillow, and Boo on the couch next to me. Hemi? He comes out of the bedroom with a sock. His prize. "Hemi, no!" and I take the sock away. He trots into the kitchen, and then into the dining room where the crates are. He make an investigative sweep of both crates, just in case Kyra (the canine hoover) missed any crumbs. (Which, has not happened in the nearly 2 years of his life, not sure WHY he would think it would happen now!). Trots back to the living room, and disappears into the bedroom. Emerges from the bedroom with the partner to the first sock he brought to me. "Hemi, no!" and I take the sock away from him.

Boo begins to beg to go outside, so I let Hershey, Hemi and Boo all outside. Hemi begins to scream and chase the other 2 as they scatter like roaches to get away from him. The older dogs try to find their spot to potty. Every time they stop, Hemi hits them at full speed, pushing them out of the way. My backyard sounds like there is a dogfight going on. I open the door to look out, and what do I see? Hemi is running in circles in the back yard. As fast as his little legs will take him. Around and around and around and around. (reminds me of the last 10 laps of the Daytona 500). The older dogs are trying to position themselves behind trees and the corner of the house in order to protect themselves from the silver bullet.

Once they've had enough, I can see Boo begging me to let him in. I open the back door and he darts for the door, only to receive a body block by Hemi, nearly rolling both of them. They manage to both scramble into the house. Hershey gives me a look of relief, as she wanders off to finish her pottying in peace.

Once inside, Boo curls up on the couch next to me. Home base. He's safe from the PEST. Hemi begins to trot through the kitchen, through the dining room, up the hallway, into the living room, a loop around the coffee table, and then back to the kitchen. I sit on the couch thinking to myself. "Here he comes. There he goes. Here he comes. There he goes". After about 6 or 7 laps (I lost count). He goes to the water bowl, gets a drink of water, and then takes the long way back to the living room and up on the couch. Settling in for a long winter's nap. (FINALLY!)

So..if Pamela tries to cancel classes tomorrow night. I might just cut the lock on the gate and leave Hemi in her yard!

Living with Kyra

For those who know Kyra, you know how she loves her food. She has gotten into more trouble than I could ever have imagined. From Kyra, the things we have learned are:

1.) ant bait of any kind is not toxic to dogs.
2.) aluminum foil does not fluoresce on an x-ray
3.) pot pourri does not change color in the intestinal tract. (It does, however, lose it's fruity smell)
4.) silk flowers also do not lose their color in the digestive tract.
5.) dogs don't digest caramel, or candy wrappers. If a dog swallows a snack-sized snickers bar whole, the peanuts and chocolate will digest, the wrapper and the caramel will be regurgitated some days later. Whole. No teeth marks. No fading of the wrapper.

I came across another dog on the internet that could give Kyra a run for her money! It's one of the funniest stories I have ever read. For those who don't know Kyra, read this story, and imagine this dog being a big brown poodle,and Voila'- you now know what it's like to live with Kyra!

http://littera-abactor.livejournal.com/7748.html

A Dog's Life

You always hear about living "A dog's life", like it's a BAD thing. So, I got to thinking about it. How bad, really, IS a dog's life? Let's take a tour of Kyra's normal daily routine, shall we?

Wake up early in the morning to pee. Okay, not a great start. I'll give you that one. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am NOT a morning person! Let's move on, shall we?

Next is breakfast. Granted, it's the same old thing, but it's nutritious, a controlled portion, and the best part, is that you don't have to cook!



After another outdoor run, okay if it's raining or cold, I can see that being bad. However, a bathroom you never have to clean? SCORE!





Back inside, stretch out on the couch and take a LONG nap. (Oh, about 4 or 5 hours) I think that more than makes up for getting up early, don't you?



If the humans are leaving, into a crate, on a soft cushion, to await their return. If not, sleep on the couch all day. Either way, SLEEP. Not a bad deal.



Then, wake up, potty outside again (remember, no cleaning!) and then dinner is served. Of course, it's the same thing served for breakfast, but once again, no cooking.



Spend the rest of the evening stretched out on the couch, sleeping, and then one more trip outside to potty before bedtime.

Occassionally there is the fitness training (aka agility) but that is always followed with yet more food. Good stuff, not the pre-packaged kibble.

Let's not forget the time sitting in Dad's lap!



On the down side- there is this hideous outfit she had to wear to keep her from scratching her incision!



I guess I don't see the hard ships of a dog's life. Eat, Sleep, and do Agility. THAT is my goal in life!

Hemi has 4 official Q's!

Hemi has 1 USDAA Jumpers Q, an ASCA Jumpers Q, an AKC Jumpers Q, and an AKC FAST Q. Unfortunately, I've only got 1 of the Q's on video. I'm sure you see the pattern here! This Video is from Hemi's JWW run with Gene today. He is so much fun to run! I see great things for his future. See if you agree!

Patti Goes Domestic!

Yep, it's scary, I know, but I decided to get domestic. We had a ton of old T-shirts lying around that didn't fit, or we didn't wear anymore. Not wanting to just toss these shirts out, I put on my thinking cap.

Since we are going to an agility trial this weekend, and it's going to be kinda cold, I decided the dogs needed some better crate pads than what we've got. I dug through the closet and pulled out a handful of shits, and started cutting them up.

Next, I went to to youtube and found this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dm83zA5-Yyk

An hour later, I was ready to start sewing.

I pieced together squares that were either like in theme, or in color. I used some fleece as a backing.

Here's the final product